days

Lets talk about yesterday first…

It was Tuesday ….

It didn’t start off well again ……
I am having a tough week ….and it may continue perhaps….
Class was as usual and I decided to stay till 6.30p.m ………
Alone in college without people is boring but it was nice …
I suppose because its cloudiness that I love ……..
I ask ridiculous questions and hence I am thankful that most are answered …….
And I enjoy doing something where I think its worth todo for a friend…
Its nice and enjoyable though …
But I am still not in mood …its not that I am emo ….
I am not …I wished I could get out from here ….
I know I am belong here …..
I have my own wonderland ……..
My own fantasy ………………………
The sudden lost of this feeling make me depressed…..
I am thankful for those hands and ears thay you all borrow me…
Especially elaine ,always “moon bathing with me “ during daylight !!!
And also jol …………………….


I observed something in the train …where I realise a person can feel emo to a such great extent …
Besides he look so gay …hahhaha
He actually walk a catwalk to the behind part of train and then twist ….
As if there are winds blowing …..
There are seats available but he didn’t take the seat but seat on the floor of the train ….
EMO-ing + Posting…..
I wanted to secretly take a photo … but then hahaha there are people looking…
So too bad I cant share here hehehehe ^^
And then I went home …. And blah ………



WEDNESDAY ….

The day start by a morning call by Joo Long at 4.30 a.m …
Hahaha …anyway thx yea but I tertidur leh …hehhehe….


I think I could be the best performer of all……
I am not happy but I have to smile still ……
I feel something terrible happening….. its true ….
I can feel it ……..and hence today is stronger……..
[taking deep breathe]
I cant tell anyone perhaps………
I don’t know what todo……………
None ….NOTHING !!!!!!!!!!!
And kim said I look not nice from facial expressions……
Nah it couldn’t be that obvious right ……………….
I wanted to ………………………………..
And then I think twice and I take a deep breathe and said ….
only I can help myself out now …..
NO ONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!
But then I have to keep swallowing all and every single of it till the extent where I cant ….
Then I will fall………………..
{gulp}
Perhaps its my fault ………………. I could blame
I had to prepare myself to face it ….
Every single possiblities that would make me fall and hit HARD and PAINFULL!!
I told my dearest friend elaine……
Give me a week time ….. A WEEK …………..
Perhaps …or it will take longer....
Sorry if in that week I am loss …
Sorry if that week I misbehaved….
Sorry if I did something WRONG and ridiculous….
Sorry people……
I seriously need to cope up with myself perhaps…making me more stronger….
I saw some cracks and I don’t want to see it break …………
….
I should be little happy that Quinnie actually said she seldon see me in fb ….
Hahaha good news perhaps …and exam is coming ….
And I was staying in college till six with Gary and Debbie ….
Hmmmmm it’s a bit relaxing cuz its another cloudy day ……..



i wanted to spill out some of my feelings here but .... its too public ...