no where but beach

SERIOUSLY, I NEED TO ISOLATE MYSELF !!!!

i seriously i think i need to isolate myself ......
i am behaving as i am hiding in a shell ....
i am afraid to step out off my shell....
should i name this shell "The Shell of Recovering" or "The Shell of Not Facing Reality"
i wanted to face the reality ...
but am i strong enough todo so...
i am preparing myself all this week.....
PREPARING.....
both mentally and physically ....
TO FACE EVERYTHING !!!!!
but do anyone know the feeling of pain of it.....
its like thousand needles to it........
i was actually touching my heart .....
almost everyday asking ...."are you alright?"
and i tell her that "you will be fine soon ...soon"
its not the time for me to talk about this ....
but then..... its bothering me........
i am comforting myself every single minutes and seconds.....
anyway ..i am just trying to react with a smile.....
DON'T ask why....
because its the best solution after all.......
THE BEST !!!!!!!

 further i have the idea to close down this blog....
or other word to make my blog more private and confidential just for me....
after all this blog i have treat it as my diary and place to release my emtions...
 if i were to open new blog ....
i would not post any single things about ME !!
i wanted it to be " Fashion.Food.Taste"

still considering anyway ......

i actually feels to go to the beach now .....
i hope the breeze there is cooling ..... COOLING !!!
i wanted to sit there alone ......ALONE !!!!
and do whatever i want ....WANT !!!!
if i were to choose ... i don't want to be in this position ...DON'T !!!!!
trying to draw back every single thing which is unnecessary ...DRAW !!!!
but i am struggling ...STRUGGLING!!!!!

BEACH I THINK I NEED YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!